My wife has re arranged the labels on my spice rack.
I’ve been telling people about the benefits about eating dried grapes.
I told a joke in a Zoom meeting and nobody laughed.
Somebody just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me!!!!
I went on a walk into an enchanted forest to try and cut down a talking tree! “You can’t cut me down” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree”
My wife is mad that I don’t have any sense of direction.
When does a dad joke become a joke.
My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said have you!
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. So she said I was useless in bed.
My wife told me: sex is always better on holiday.
My grief councillor died.
Checked in online….. skipped seat selection…. Sitting next to each other for free!
My son was chewing on an electrical cord so I had to ground him.
I was really struggling to get my wife’s attention….
Where do bad rainbows go?
At a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.
Dammit, I just burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
Today, I saw someone and I wasn’t sure whether they were waving at me or at someone behind me.
My wife think it is weird that I stare through the window during a heavy rainstorm.
Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aid in for repair.
Everyone thinks I’ve got it all figured out, truthfully I am absolutely lost
How did the boy working at Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
How it feels waking up this morning in part of the country with no snow
Recieved a text from my wife saying she was breaking up with me!
Years ago me and my mum had an argument,so I went into the cupboard..
