Choice Vocabulary?

Lately, I’ve been trying to be really specific with the words I use to describe certain characters, including their actions.

For example, when I’m writing from the perspective of Deadshot (a lot of my writing is in online roleplaying format), I use the phrase “he shoots a glance in George’s direction” or “he narrows his eyes, as if aiming down the sight of a rifle.” He doesn’t look at things, he scans his surroundings. His fingers twitch when he wants a cigarette, curling slightly towards his palm. (The effect being that I want the audience to think of a trigger.)

Some context is that I only do this when I’m getting “inside” a character’s head - the terms and vocabulary change when shifting viewpoints.

How do we feel about this? Is this too on-the-nose, or is it something I should keep developing as a style? Is it too “pun-ny?”Corny? I’m a lot better at coming up with the base ideas than executing the product, I’ve noticed.