10 Years since my attempt

Crazy to think that almost ten years to the day, I almost died. I was on life support, in an induced coma and the probability of my survival was less than 50%. And yet, I am here. I honestly didn’t think I would be so… sad? Ten years on and I’m no longer 17 years old, feeling swallowed by the darkness that consumed me so much then. But at 27 I still feel scared, I still feel small in this big world. I’m engaged now to the love of my life. And her love is more consuming than the darkness is. But somehow I still feel a sense of grief and I can’t really explain how or why. I beat the odds and should be thankful, grateful, that I’m still breathing.

And I am. Truly. But the anniversary has brought up a lot of feelings. I suddenly feel 17 again. And I wish I could travel back in time and give my younger self a big hug. God knows they’re going through the trenches right now. I wish they knew how loved they are because they really needed to hear it.