just need to vent and cry :)

i fucked up.

my trypanophobia has resulted in a humongous fear of anything medical - including doctors, especially after a recentish hospital visit. i needed/wanted a medication to help with one of my conditions, as it has been mentally debilitating, but the thought of booking an appointment with my gp is worse and would have led to weeks of horrific panicking so i did an impulsive thing and booked an online dr and told them id had the medication before.

now one of my friends is super pissed at me and ive lost a friend because she thinks (and i was) being deceptive, i tried to explain that it wasn't to hurt anyone intentionally and i know i fucked up but she cant talk to me anymore and i hate that if i didnt have this stupid phobia everything would be fine