Post program addiction

Does anyone know is drug addiction is linked to experiencing a traumatic tti program? Not looking to find excuses but if I can understand the cause It might be easier to get out of this mess I'm in. Since coming out of the program, I've always had the urge to escape my reality. Could be caused by the living hell I was put through or could be sheer coincidence. I'm not sure why I feel this way but I have noticed that I have to be having an extremely good day and feel my absolute happiest to not feel this urge. Which for anyone is a rare and special occasion in life. I was heavily addicted to street Xanax 4 years ago which I thought I'd got out of by using cocaine. Things went well for a short while and my cocaine use became more and more frequent. To the point where it's now 3-4 days a week. I know I have a problem because even on my way to pick up, I know in my head it's a bad idea and legitimately acknowledge I don't even want to do it. yet I still go through with it. Is it a form of self harm? Quite possibly. I definitely feel there are underlying issues but like most people with problems, I'm blind to them. Anyone had anything similar? Thanks