back again? (update)

hi I posted here for the first time in December, recounting my first sexual experience with a much older man. I received hundreds of messages and honestly it made me feel really good. but after a few weeks i deleted everything and got off reddit. I’m back now lol, and i want to give an update.

-I’ve always been very hyper-sexual since i can remember. When i was 18 i started seeing an older guy (30s). He was a wealthy businessman from the US but staying in london for a few years for work. I adored him and was very naive about the whole situation. To put it bluntly i think i was basically like his mini hooker: he’d buy me gifts, money, or take me to fancy dinners, and in return i let him use me. Only i didn’t see it that way, i saw these things as him showing me he loved me and truly thought this was a balanced, healthy relationship . He evidently didn’t care about me as he returned to the US early, blocked me, and i never heard from him since. I was simply his plaything for while he was in the UK.

-A few months later, I met a 45 year old man. yeah…fucking old. I was still in my final year of high school and didn’t have a driving license yet so he would offer to drop me off/ pick me up quite often. During g these car rides i’d suck his cock, let him finger me, get my tits out etc. He’d even sometimes pick me up from parties and we do the same thing while i was wasted. One day i went to his apartment. I wont get into what happened here (if you’d like to know feel free to message) but it ended in a facial and a lot of soreness lol). This man was literally old enough to be my father, even i don’t understand why i let him use me- i don’t understand anything about my sexuality tbh. that’s why coming on here helps - I’ve had a few other risky and strange sexual encounters, but these were the ones that most affected me. I also had a kind of cam girl phase which was weird, but all that’s done now, currently i’m just trying to figure things out.

-i think what’s interesting is that i’d definitely describe myself as a pretty conventionally attractive girl. I have a lot of girlfriends, a few guy friends, guys my age are interested in me, i’m fairly smart, i do well in school, and i have a great social life overall. No one in my life would ever fathom that i do the stuff i do, perhaps that’s what makes it most exciting for me.

If anyone has any questions or wants to talk, please do message me thanks ❤️