little rant about job applications

I began sending cv's after a bit of rest from my previous work and i was so happy all day because an agency responded almost immediately and it's probably the same place in which my gf works, i was happy about it all day as i've had to register to their portal previous to the interview(it's obligatory) and it had to be filed with my legal name, like even if I put my actual name it would not accept it.
i really don't want this profile to be public or something like that usually I just talk to hr and talk about it with them and had no problems as of now but the fact that it so forcefully made me put that name for some reason made me break out and i started crying.
I don't want this anymore I just would want everything to be normal to pass a week without having to think about my documents, my body, my voice, how I move my face and if that is clocky, if myy mannerism is clocky and the times I could not have noticed it was... I feel like I just want all those things to end to just live as a normal girl and to go about my day without being costantly worried about how people might percieve me, and even if it's not them then I can just see my body and the very few changes hrt it had and I would feel just as bad if not worse. I don't want this body I would want to be able to afford bottom surgery now instead of having to wait for a fucking permit from the government. I just don't want to be reminded at every turn about how i'm legally considered, or how people might see me and just be, not having this costant reminder of what might have been if I've had came out when I was a child instead of hiding it for as long as I did