Reconciling Tolstoy's flaws to his genius
Long story short, I read Anna Karenina in what was probably the lowest fucking period of my life, and it was the best decision I ever made. I connected to Anna and Levin like I'd never connected with fictional characters before, and was awed by Tolstoy's insight into humanity. In particular, I found Levin's religious journey and marriage to Kitty so moving and so beautiful that it might have renewed my faith in humanity a little. I read War and Peace maybe six months later, and had a similar reaction. It wasn't an easy read, but I fell in love with Prince Andrei and was fascinated by Tolstoy's philosophy. As a result, I'm quite emotionally attached to Tolstoy's work, with both books having shaped my life in very meaningful ways. I've thought about AK in particular almost everyday since I first finished it.
However, I've been reading Sofia Tolstoy's diaries and they're absolutely heartbreaking. Tolstoy, for all his talk about goodness and Christian love, was incredibly cruel to his wife. Anna Karenina and War & Peace were most likely written at the cost of Sofia Tolstoy's happiness and sanity. Tolstoy could be disgusting, and often behaved like a heartless, selfish piece of shit. In modern terms, he could probably be considered an abuser; and it's extremely difficult to reconcile this with my love for his work. While I never 'idolised' Tolstoy, I have been profoundly moved and inspired by him.
The scene of Kitty and Levin's wedding is my favourite scene in the whole world, but when I think about how Tolstoy desecrated his own vows and treated his wife like trash, Tolstoy's treatises about love and marriage suddenly seem null and void. I'm a little embarrassed by how deeply this has impacted me, but I really am struggling to reconcile Tolstoy's work (which genuinely changed my life) to the idea that he was likely a huge hypocrite. Any words of advice?