My 1yo Son Fractured His Skull

As the caption reads, my 1 yo son fractured his skull this past weekend and it’s my fault. I was changing him on a bed at my parents house where we are currently staying because I’m trying to divorce my verbally abusive/alcoholic husband who doesn’t want a divorce. Husband was coming to pick my son up for a few hours and I was getting him changed and dressed on the bed.

I grabbed what I thought was a onesie behind me and realized it was a pair of shorts so I stupidly turned around, looked, and grabbed a onesie. During that time my son managed to go from laying on the bed with his feet at the edge to head on the hardwood floor which is like a foot and a half or two feet from the bed because there’s a rug under the bed. It happened so fast.

He obviously cried immediately, I was able to settle him, give him some milk, and I observed him for about an hour. He was super fussy so I took him to the ER.

Long story short, the ER thought he was fine, observed him for six hours, discharged us, and on the way home he started vomiting. We go back to the ER and he gets a CT scan (that’s another thing I’m terrified about because radiation). Turns out he has TWO skull fractures.

Initially they say it’s not a big deal and it will heal and he can be monitored at home, but one of the doctors must’ve raised the question of non accidental injury since there were two fractures. So they kept us overnight, interviewed me regarding his injury, did a full body xray to make sure there were no further injuries, etc etc.

I understand the investigation into whether it was non accidental is protocol, but to tell you I was gutted on top of the guilt I felt for allowing this to happen is an understatement.

He is fine and we got the clear but I am soooo worried about this causing some permanent damage. And I just feel sick that I let this happen and my baby was hurt. He obviously has a concussion they said, but the fractures will heal on their own and there was no concern because no bleeding on the brain (thank god). Obviously I’m upset about the fractures, but my biggest concern is that he has gotten a concussion at this age. I just feel like I’ve permanently altered him (he’s acting normal but everything he does I analyze).

Anyway thanks to anyone who read this, I really just needed somewhere to share talk about it. And would also love to hear if any of your children (or children you know) sustained head injuries at a young age and whether it caused any issues?

TLDR; my son fell off the bed while I was right there and fractured his skull. I’m feeling immense guilt and hoping to hear of stories of other children who have had head injuries with no issue).