Lecturing me because I didn’t want to tell him someone else’s deadname

Context: This was a couple years ago, when I was about 17 years old. I am pansexual and use she/they pronouns. My parents have known this for years. They have usually been very supportive as my family is more liberal-minded and progressive. However, my dad regularly still says the f slur in front of me and my younger brother, told me that if I ever changed my name I would always be “my birth name” to him still, and he will make comments about other kids (friends of mine) and their names or pronoun choices.

One day, he kept asking what a younger kid’s deadname was. I wouldn’t tell him because absolutely no one uses their deadname. Everyone called them their chosen name, even teachers and their parents. But he kept pushing it and when I refused to tell him and tried to explain that I didn’t want to disrespect them, he gave me the silent treatment for hours and then started this text conversation with me. I feel like this is just total manipulation as I clearly know way more about the LGBTQ+ community (I’M IN IT) and he’s a 50 year old straight man who still says slurs and seems to purposefully mix up my friends chosen names and then get mad when I correct him. He also has a track record of doing things like this in arguments and almost never apologizes.

He says knowing that kid’s name is “basic info” even though he will never hear a single person call them by that name and it isn’t who they are. He also constantly says that it’s confusing to know two names for someone (their deadname and their chosen name) like when a friend of mine for years changed their name. So why ask for a second name to know them by? It doesn’t make sense.