Realized today that I was never considered as part of the Family.

I was excited for a wedding where I was never truly considered family.

Everything was going great at first. Then, during the performances, the head of the family sat on stage, and one by one, everyone was called up for a big family photo. I stood there recording, assuming they’d call me too. Then they said, "Now time for the kids!" And I waited.
...

I sat down. Stopped recording. Swallowed down the lump in my throat as all my cousins were called on the stage. My mom and I made eye contact, and I saw it in her eyes—she felt it too. We weren’t really part of this. And its not like they forgot us, because it was my mom who was reading through the script for the people to come up on the stage and we both were at the front.

Still, I stayed. I smiled when I had to. But when I asked my cousin if she wanted to eat dinner with me, she just said, "You eat, I’ll eat with the family." And it hit me harder than I expected. Like a punch straight to the chest.

Because I thought I was family.

I tried to hold it together, but the weight of it all just sat there. I knew if I spoke, I’d break. So I stayed quiet. Pulled out my phone. Watched dumb YouTube shorts just to keep my mind from spiraling. My uncle and aunt came over to talk for a while, and I let myself pretend, for those few minutes, that I was okay.

Later, my mom told me it’s probably because they’re all "real cousins." They share blood. I don’t. And maybe that’s all that ever mattered to them.

But family isn’t blood. Family is love. And if love isn’t there, then neither am I.

So I’m done. Done trying to fit into spaces that were never meant for me. Done offering my love where it’s not wanted. I won’t be bitter. I won’t be cruel. I’ll be kind, like I always am. But the love I had for them? It’s gone.

Instead, I’ll save it. For the family I’ll build one day. For the cousins my kids will have—who will never have to feel like outsiders. For the kind of home where no one has to wonder if they’re wanted.

And maybe, one day, I’ll find an extended family that finally feels like home.