Can’t hold my jing always draining myself … don’t know what to do .

Also I’m probably the most lonely person in the world and I’m super depressed I try and try to make it out of my loneliness with different ideas and surrounding myself with different peoples and jobs and trying to do sports and something happens where I can’t work I get injured I end up alone at my parents house one point I had my own appartment and I had to move back in due to a rat problem . Now I can’t afford anywhere else to live . My car broke down and I’m back at square one . I am sober now I don’t even touch coffe due to my past I used to stay as a space caddet or super drunk . I’m obese now … I feel as if I’ve been cursed . There’s no community around where I live . I get suicidal . Wasting my jing and over eating and playing video games is all that makes me numb the pain for 15 min a session …. I don’t know why I’m making this point I really doubt I can be helped . I’m not even sad anymore I’m just super numb and I guess I wanted to tell someone . I have no friends or girl . I have no alone time I live crammed with my family we’ve always been poor . The Tao the Ching says we need economical freedom and this inflation or whatever is going on is making that part impossible and I can’t have a life