I Jumped Cold Turkey Off 16mg After 5yrs - Day 7

I am done. I am done being a zombie. I have 2 kids. I was forced onto this med under the the duress of "your baby will die". Well guess what? That baby died anyway, and no-one has ever helped me get off this fucking drug ever since. I have an autistic 10 year old son who needs me and and a 7 year old who needs me and I won't be a slave to this anymore.

Has anyone jumped off this much before? I stocked up internationally, before I did this and have Pregabalin, Gabapentin, Baclofen, Soma, Hydroxyzine, Promethazine...I also have some benzos on hand but I'd rather not take them unless I have to and I don't feel the need yet... Luckily promethazine is enough to knock me out if I need to sleep.

I'm not nearly as bad off as I had imagined. I'm still able to get my kids to school, everything tastes horrible and I have some diarrhea. I have been mostly using the baclofen, pregabalin, and hydroxyzine in the daytime and promethazine at night. I took a Soma Sat. afternoon and Monday evening for added relief. I will take the Gabapentin later on down the road to help me stabilize.

I feel like this should be harder - but maybe it's just still in my system and it IS going to get a lot worse and I'm fooling myself???

What do you all know - after a week is this going to get better or worse?

Update Day 8

Still doing good-ish, of course a little "off" still no need for benzos or bupe! Took my kids to swim practice - felt a little wobbly. Felt like I was losing some control of my arms last night but seems completely better this morning - in fact went to the grocery store to get cat litter and ice cream with heavy cream poured over the top - don't judge - everything else taste like ass right now. I need the pink peppermint candy, black cherry, or root beer float - no other ice cream will work. Drove fine typing fine haven't even take ANY meds yet this morning but I took quite a few last night trying to get my arms to settle.

Still have some diarrhea - but honestly could partly be my shitty diet right now? I'll go back to the gym when I can walk right? I actually welcome the diarrhea after being plugged up for so long?

Going to take hydroxyzine, baclofen and just see how things go....

Day 10 - Still Here! Still bupe and benzo free - Please if anyone has suboxone withdrawal experiences, please add them! I'd like to hear more about timelines?

Day 11 Backaches setting in nicely, weird sneezing fits?, diarrhea, beyond lethargic - whatever you call that?, my toes wiggle a lot the cat wants to catch them...best thing so far is my head is clear-ish I mean pregab right? But with delirium tremens you literally could not make a right decision because you lose control of your mind - most of this is what led me trembling back into a liquor store the moment they opened. The lack of being able to make a choice. I certainly don't feel that. Maybe things will change? Who knows?

Day 12 - I just want to say if anyone is still reading this post. Shit got really, really, real last night. I KNOW why people can't get through this. I honestly cant describe it - it just had to end. If I didn't have a damn pharmacy in my purse, I'd be done. Over it. Luckily, I have the ability to comatose myself. I don't even know what I took. I just needed it to stop. Promethazine yes, baclofen maybe 5 who knows Hydroxyzine meybe 6?...then when it wouldn't go away (or maybe I wasn't patient enough to wait for it to work) I took a Soma and my family couldn't wake me.

Luckily I've been better today. Decided to start writing down my pills cause I cannot do that again! I did break off a half a Soma 12 hrs after I took that whole. It's the only thing holding me together right now...otherwise I couldn't do this. It would be too hard. I don't think pregabalin alone is enough to fight this kind of jump - but we will see if this gets better or worse. No benzos yet but we will see what kind of hell tonight brings.

Day 13 - I think I'm managing physical symptoms ok. I'm listening to music all day ok on my living room sound system just feeling things I haven't felt in forever. Think the anxiety is hitting. Might have to take some benzos soon to fight this oncoming doom I'm feeling. Big breaths. Man all the tears. I didn't know I still knew how to cry? Comforting, oddly. Even the depression. Better than empty nothing.

Day 14 Anxiety Attacks cold, gripping, terrifying - but they always go away - it's mind over matter. One of the best things in this entire process has been listening to music again. Non-stop to carry me over the bumps and valleys - right on through every attack.

Day 17 Sadness, lack of motivation. Don't seem to have any restless arms/legs going on. Using vitamins. But my general mood could not be lower. I might take an Ativan today because I just can't.

Day 19 - This sucks because all the reasons I wanted to do this don't matter to me ANYMORE! I don't care about anything, so why am I doing this? Physical symptoms? Pretty well managed, if I even have them, but I don't want to get up anyway. I was doing more when I was in real pain because I seemed to have willpower then. I don't care now. I don't care if I don't fill my orders, or read stories at bedtime...who the hell am I? Could probably go to the gym, but don't want to. What is happening?

Day 21 - Still not not turning back, but I'm going to tell you I thought the physical part was going to be hard? Nope. Restless legs/arms only lasted like a week? It's the mental part after that's harder. My body feels ok. I sleep fine (of course I have phenergan if I need it but I don't think I've taken more than 4-5) I have days I have to run my business and ship package and I take an Ativan to steel my nerves. I only do this if I have to leave the house like today for swim lessons. Yesterday and Monday were cry it out days, where my husband accompanying me to the gym like a child because he's my security blanket right now. Someone told me something so simple but made things easier for me to deal with. It's just my receptors wanting to be filled. So long as I don't, I'll get to the other side? For some reason the simplicity of that made it easier to accept.

Day 22 - Doing OK again - I can't tell what's going to happen tomorrow, but right now, in between my sneezing fits, I'm lacing up my shoes and hitting the gym. Doesn't feel scary or horrible. I want to go. No benzos for me today. Much lowered dose or pregab - to prepare for the switch to Gaba, baclofen, vitamins. We'll see where we are tonight or tomorrow - things change?

Day 27 - Forcing myself to clean my house. Staying busy is best option although having a few weeks to just be was good too. Still only managing 2X week in the gym. It's almost entirely motivational and not physical. I am still using 200mg pregab 3X day. I'm going to switch to Gabs in about 3 days although, I'm not 100% holding myself to that because if I feel like crap I might wait until I get back from my 3 week vacation across the country. I thought I was going to need benzos. Not so much, less than a handfu for specific situations, l and not necessary now. I don't have issues sleeping - yet? Could get harder as I switch off pregab. Mood is ok?- ish not good. No severe anxiety, could be pregab but it was doing absolutely nothing for it a few weeks ago? Low motivation. But honestly thought things would be worse after all the people telling me how problematic this would be. All the meds I prepped for and didn't really need? I don't feel a ton different? Time will tell.

I don't want to talk to people at all in real life. Calling people, responding to texts is hard. It's always been hard-ish for me, for my but really hard now. Have no desire to go on vacation other than to give my kids a better X-mas than I will. It's the 10th. No tree, no advant calendar, no decorations...I suck.