I don't think I can do this

I just got done having a panic attack. I had to lock myself in my room, go in the bathroom, and scream and cry into a towel just so my kids wouldn't hear.

Getting a divorce sucks, but it's like the universe is handing me all the fucking shitty ass poker cards right now. Wife left? Check. Work trouble? Check. Then I get a call from a random number...and it's my wife. Her phone was broken by some kid at her job. So, what do I do? I don't have the money for a new phone. She can't go without. So, I wind up phoning a friend....except it's not a friend. It's my Dad who I have been slightly no contact with for months now.

And what does he do? Gives me the money without batting an eye. His exact words when I left from meeting him: "Don't worry, it's yours. I don't loan money to family."

It broke me. I thought I was okay. I thought I could handle the separation. I thought I could handle a divorce. I thought I could handle having the kids one week on/one week off. I thought I could handle losing the house we worked so hard to get. I thought I was healing. But instead, I'm just shattered and I don't think I will ever get it all put back together.

I did the right thing at least. I gave her the money for a new phone. I'll pay my dad back eventually. And above all, I will not drink today. Thanks for coming to my TED-Talk.