Grieving the former messy you

I had a triggering moment tonight and need to talk about it. My husband is super supportive of my sobriety, but still drinks. This evening, we went to a restaurant that had a long wait, so we grabbed two seats at the bar instead. We ordered beers (NA for me) and struck up conversations with some people next to us. These guys were clearly bar regulars and soon shots were ordered. My husband ended up taking two.

It’s a running joke that my husband drinks and befriends random people. Now that I don’t drink, it can get lonely when he’s more focused on strangers than me. When this happens, it confirms some of my deepest insecurities—I’m no fun sober, I’m less interesting, I’m awkward, etc.

I want to be comfortable with myself and my sobriety. Next week will be six months, but tonight made me grieve my former self—the loud, talkative girl who would have gone shot for shot. She was a mess, but it’s hard not to miss her confidence.