Rock bottom

TW SA! I’m 19 and have been drinking for years. My relationship with alcohol took a harsh decline when I got to college last year. I took breaks from drinking for months after bad nights, but ended up drinking again for one reason or another. A few weeks ago is when it all started coming apart. I had a few drinks with a friend while out, and ended up getting r*ped. I was already at a really low point with anxiety and that just sent me into a spiral. I then was hospitalized for ovarian torsion. I was living in a constant state of awfulness. I rented a new apartment and was planning on moving out, to get away from my (genuinely great) roommates that drink and to have a new space for myself to heal. Two nights ago I arrived back at my apartment and my roommates were having a party, then going to the club. I drank, because in my head- why not? One of my roommates ended up doing a lot of Molly, and would not get let into the club. My friends asked if I could pick her up, and I made the choice to go. Completely my fault and I am filled with so much remorse about it. On the way there, I got into a crash. I don’t even remember what I hit, all I knew is that I was worried about my roommate and had to get her. I left the crash and picked her up, and took her home. I could’ve killed her or myself or someone else. I don’t even know if I did hurt anyone. I feel like a monster. I’ve got in contact with a lawyer and he said the best thing I can do is wait, and see if somebody reports it. I went to my parents apartment, but still have to move out of my old apartment and am terrified to face my roommates. I apologized to the roomate I drove but no response. I just cannot believe I made these choices and this marks the beginning of sobriety for me.