Optimus Prime is the Theranos of Robotics.

Let’s talk about Tesla’s so-called humanoid robot, Optimus Prime. No, not the heroic Autobot—we’re talking about the overhyped, perpetually “just a few years away” prototype that Elon Musk keeps parading around at AI Day events.

Every few months, we get a heavily edited clip of Optimus shuffling around, carefully avoiding any task that requires real dexterity, decision-making, or autonomy. And yet, Musk keeps selling the dream: A fully functional humanoid worker that will revolutionize manufacturing, households, and even the economy itself.

Let’s be real. Optimus isn’t even remotely close to being “prime time.” The entire humanoid robot fantasy hinges on breakthroughs that Tesla simply hasn’t demonstrated. Actuators, balance, AI-driven adaptability—these aren’t trivial problems, and companies far more specialized in robotics (Boston Dynamics, Agility Robotics, etc.) have been working on them for decades.

But Tesla’s playbook is classic Musk: 1. Announce something ambitious. 2. Show a prototype that barely functions. 3. Promise revolutionary breakthroughs in an unrealistic timeline. 4. Let the hype machine and stock price do the heavy lifting.

It’s giving Theranos vibes—promising a sci-fi future that current technology simply can’t deliver. The difference? Elizabeth Holmes didn’t have fanboys willing to defend her vaporware at all costs.

Meanwhile, Tesla’s factories don’t even use Optimus internally (wouldn’t you start there if this thing was viable?). Instead, we get another carefully choreographed video where the bot picks up a box, maybe folds a shirt, and walks like it just woke up from anesthesia.

Until Optimus can move, grasp, and react as well as a $25/hour human worker (and at a cost that makes economic sense), it’s just another Muskian pipe dream.