Get help ASAP! Don't become like me.

I'm 40 years old.

No wife.

No Children.

No more friends outside of family.

Don't want to drive a car anymore.

No job / Early retirement (Don't know how this is called in english. I get money here in Germany, because of Depression, Suicide attempt, Impulse-control disorder, Social Anxiety)

Slowly killing myself with alcohol. (My body tells me to stop, but I drink alcohol 3-4 times a week)

Yes, my brain is fucked, I have a lot of problems. But looking back, Social Anxiety was/is my biggest problem by far! I think SA is the root of all my other mental problems. The first like 25 years of my life, I seemed (kind of) like a "normal person". Friends, girlfriend, hobbies (Skateboarding, Hapkido), successful apprenticeship, driver's license, work ... but inside of me was always this fucking anxiety. Social Anxiety. I did not want to admit it to myself and especially not to anyone else.

Every social interaction, outside of my family or closest friends, did cost me SO MUCH ENERGY. It was too much at some point. I have withdrawn. Lost contact to more and more friends. Alcohol and games became my new "best friends". Time runs faster and faster. I'm just waiting for my death.

I'm fucked. Don't become like me. Take SA very serious!