Does anyone else go through cycles of being a sissy?

I’m a 25yo sissy who’s been in and out of this life/kink for the last 6 years or so. I’ve had tons of fantasies before I ever started dressing, so I guess you could say I started even earlier. I’ve binged and purged my sissy life so many times I’ve lost track. But no matter what I’m always coming back, I just love the feeling that being a sissy brings me. It’s something I’ve never been able to experience anywhere else.

The problem is I don’t always feel like being a sissy to the point of making it a sort of lifestyle. I go through these months of wanting to dress and flirt with men and go out for a hookup. But I hit this point where I’m satisfied for a little bit, then I start to lose interest in dressing at all and then a subtle shame comes over me and I just want to put that side of me away for awhile which usually ends in me purging. Then, a month or so later the cycle starts right back up.

I’m openly bi irl, and I’ve hooked up with a good amount of men and women but just never as a sissy. I really like the closeted, anonymous aspect of being a sissy and exchanging pics and fantasies online. I hope to one day have an irl hookup with someone as my sissy self though! I have so much respect for you girls who make it such a large part of your lifestyle, and part of me wants to be just like you so bad when I’m feeling like a true sissy, I just can’t seem to stay on that high.

Does anyone else feel like they come in and out of these cycles of being a sissy? If you do, how often does it come and go?