My experience in the Philippines

I am 159cm. I used to school in the U.S. I am a high school student. When I see males shorter than me I feel they are lucky to be in the Philippines. The girls treat us human. Most girls in the campus still prefer taller men but my classmates shorter than me still receive human decency.

A lot of Filipinos want to work abroad. Though I think Filipinos prefer working in Europe than the U.S nowadays. I hope they still get treated as human but Filipinos are generally on the shorter side. My dad was made fun of when he used to work in the U.S and preferred staying in the Philippines. He said black people are funny and Mexicans are hardworking.

I was wondering if there are any other Filipinos who are similiar to me where they were treated better in the Philippines. I do not want to paint the Philippines as perfect though. I take medication for my anxiety and depression. It feels nice for people to treat me as human but I still prefer being alone. I have autism and have a hard time connecting with others.

I plan to join the U.S Merchant Marine and retire in the Philippines. My parents expect wife and kids but I told them no. Most Filipino parents want their children to start a family. I don't want any more suffering. I realized not a lot of people think about their future children when procreating.

I remember before the medication I went on sanctioned suicide and planned to lock myself by blocking the door. When I think of suicide my heartbeat increases and I get curious on what happens if I survive. I didn't kill myself because of my family helping me get medication. Though they are normies so I don't tell me everything. My parents tolerate me watching anime or playing video games all day as long as I do well in school.