Something my therapist said

I’m 20 & I was assaulted repeatedly when I was 17 by a man much older than me. I initially refused to accept that it was rape, and my mental health deteriorated for another year after.

I eventually ended up using the free sexual assault therapy at my university. I went for a year, and I believe I’ve made a ton of progress.

There is one thing that still irks me, and it’s that I still have dreams about being raped, and the dreams are often arousing. I remembering during the actual events that even though I was terrified and in pain, there was unfortunately the experience of pleasure as well. It’s made it difficult for me to experience any sexual pleasure without fear. That’s still something I’m working on.

However, my therapist told me something a while ago that I thought might be helpful. It’s a little silly, but she knows that I often use humor to cope with things, so it was perfect for me.

“If someone makes you go see Frozen 3, even though you really didn’t want to go, but you enjoy the movie, you’re still allowed to be mad that they forced you to go. Your body forcing a reaction out of you does not take away from the fact that you did not want it.”

I’m paraphrasing, but it resonated with me. Our bodies do weird things. You’re not less of a victim because of it.