Trauma release during orgasm

TW: SA/Abuse

My partner and I have been together for almost a year. She is my first long term same sex partner (we’re both females). We met, built a great friendship over a few weeks and became physical partners after about 2 months. We ended up “making it official” another 2 months later and we’ve been doing great ever since.

I have a lot more sexual experience than her and unfortunately most of it if not all of it has been very traumatic. I’ve been sexually assaulted multiple times. Most of my partners have objectified, fetishized and sexualized me. I also was physically and emotionally abused by my family and partners.

This partner has been my first romantic partner that has made me feel safe, secure and healthy. It hasn’t been easy but she’s forcing me to reevaluate my life and sex and intimacy has been so great as a result. The orgasms are out of this world and as such certain positions leave me feeling a little more vulnerable than others.

Doggystyle forces me to open up my hips but also it makes me have flashbacks of my abuse and unfortunately 2 separate incidents where I was raped. I don’t want to tell her that cause It doesn’t feel bad physically I just feel really vulnerable. I started crying and I felt so bad.

Then I had an amazing orgasm last night. She is the first partner to ever make me squirt. This was probably the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever felt in my life it lasted a really long time but also it felt like a lot of trauma released at the same. So of course I started crying again. This is not my first time squirting with her it’s probably my 3rd but I felt such a powerful release. She’s super sweet and holds me and takes care of me after I just am so new to this experience.

I tried to research trauma release related to sex or orgasms but all I’ve seen is trauma stored in hips and yoga movements related to that.

Has anyone else had a trauma release during orgasms and is this it or am I just gonna cry every time ? Has anyone else dealt with flashbacks during sex as well and wondering how you navigate that?