im not relapsing

i am not relapsing .

im not relapsing on nicotine , i have a cigarette near my bed just so i know im stronger than the addiction, i really am , promised myself i would’ve stopped smoking cigarettes for at least 3 weeks and generally speaking no nicotine intake at all ( trying to find some kind of cheap hemp i can smoke w hash js ) also stopping alcohol and benzos abuse, i’ve put myself some rules :

if i see a chick who’s smoking asking for a smoke just to break the ice and start conversation its fine , but i ain’t buying a pack and neither looking for the occasion, it gotta be random

a beer with a pizza , a shot after a good steak its fine but no getting drunk no more

diazepam to sleep its fine as long as im not able to go to sleep otherwise, not mixing the shit w other substances it’s a must as long as it’s not something like melatonin or w no recreational value

hash idk i still haven’t got my hands on the hash but already placed an order for 25gs , definitely not smoking out , makes me feel awkward and as i have low tolerance im always high as fuck and i really can’t be lacking when out, probably gonna replace the diazepam w the hash when i can’t sleep or just use the hash for when im writing music / have absolutely nothing to do (which is basically never)

lsd , low key feeling like the less harmful on this list , still not planning on tripping until i feel like i need some real clarity and definitely not before 1 month and a half

2mmc well this is a weird one , i gotta try it just cuz i’ve bought 10gs of it in the past and im about to be sitting on it and will have to sell em so i gotta know the product i sell

for them other drugs i feel like its cool to be doing em but i’ve promised myself a 3 weeks break just to see where it takes me and if i go back to do em it gotta be occasional (maybe beside speed as it has never gave me any problem, anyways not a problem since i don’t have it and not planning to get it if im able to keep up w work by myself , which im sure im able to )

lowkey fiendin dhc but im out of that scoring game for good so im pretty damn sure i won’t even try to get it again and im damn sure im not paying 70+ for a 3 line when i can get a 3 liner for 5 bucks outta of a pharmacy, still , risk not worth the reward and also being off lean begs for mixing weed and benzos and a little alcohol ime so im trying to stay away from all dat

actually im begging to find a legal job as i can’t take it anymore to sell drugs or even being around them , im self isolating , actually no , im isolating from my usual friends and actively trying to pick back up good habits such as working out , reading, studying,going for runs , socializing even more and overall just trying to improve myself as much as i can