Charisma is a skill that can be learned by anyone, not having it isn’t a life sentence, and having it looks different to everyone.

I am into anime, warhammer, magic the gathering, RPGs, pixel art, conversations about world religions, software development, game design, death and black metal, and other things that would pretty objectively label me as a big ole nerd.

I also struggle with anxiety, depression, past trauma, OCD tendencies (from being raised by someone with OCD), ADHD, being somewhere on the autism spectrum, and a slew of other mental health conditions that make many social interactions more difficult and awkward for me than they seem to be for others. At one point I had a stammer.

As far as physicality goes, I’m about 30 pounds overweight, my teeth are far from white, my hair recently started thinning, and I’m strong but I’m not muscular. Three things I do have going for me are that I have a deep voice, blue eyes, and I’m tall.

I thought I was doomed when I was young. I got made fun of a lot for how awkward I made most interactions. I don’t remember the turning point, and I don’t think it was just one moment anyway. I think it was probably just a series of learning things about how the world worked that made me realize one pretty profound truth:

If I don’t draw attention to my flaws, most people will be drawn to my good qualities. Furthermore, people see my flaws, and if I can address them in a self deprecating funny way, this makes them disappear to most people.

I began to let the hyper-analytical part of my brain take over, likely the part of it that is somewhere on the autism spectrum. I didn’t take courses in charisma (and I don’t have one to sell), but I did start taking note on what really made people charismatic. It came down to one thing:

Honesty.

If you can tell someone who you are with total confidence, without being ashamed of the fact that you are who you are, you will not only be seen in a positive light, but you will encourage others to do the same. You don’t have to be the same as everyone that you come across. You can make rooms better by being the example. And being that example is as simple as being unashamedly honest.