I got shitfaced and vented for the first time last night

Last night I was over at a friend's place with a few people. I'd had a long day outside this (fun, just exhausting) and my entire week had been a complete wreck, so I kind of went into it with a "I don't want to feel anything" sort of mindset. Which I'd never had before.

Well I drank a bit, and while it wasn't a crazy amount it fucked me up real quick. I ended up throwing up and just generally being bumbly, and me and my friend (also drunk as hell) just ended up talking. He started out asking "Do you're parents know (you're gay)?" and then from there I just kinda took it as an excuse to vent about everything wrong with my life and why I hate myself for being a mentally ill piece of shit.

Honestly that was probably one of the most cathartic nights of my entire life. I don't really talk about these things to a lot of people. I guess making friends with a queer(bi) dude older than me who's always really open made me feel like maybe I'd have someone to talk to. It was sort of an accessibility I'm not used to, it felt like I could just tell him every fucking thing and I didn't care if I sounded like some crazy bastard.

I ended up passed out on his floor and woke up the next morning feeling totally fine. Went back home, did some laundry. Life goes on I guess. I think this is definitely a learning experience, but it wasn't all negative.