We’re y’all aware BPD goes into remission? I wasn’t but here I am.

MY BPD IS IN REMISSION!!!

I had no clue it was possible. My urges are still there, the same ones. For example if I’m extremely angry and feel unseen and unheard my urge is to throw stuff. In the past I just had to feel the slight bit of that anger and dismissal and without any hesitation or thought, I’d send something flying across the room. These days sure I think “ugh this is frustrating I want to f’ing throw this”, but then I think of the clean up, then the impact on the person I’m arguing with, and finally the shame that behavior has always brought me after the fact and when exactly had this EVER done anything but exacerbate the problem? So I don’t. My self control has become pretty remarkable in many ways. It’s worth noting that it is certainly a bittersweet feeling. Going from awful and dangerous to baseline took tons of work. I can’t credit anyone but myself and it just tells me how much stronger that others and myself have assumed I was!

I’m so proud because no one could have reached this point in their growth without putting in the hard work, effort and excercise control by training myself to not react until I think more. I also feel a ton of pressure to maintain this because I know my family are all gonna think it’s over good, when we all know remission has risk of regression. I don’t want to let my family or myself feel disappontment. I don’t intend to let it get as far as it has gone before but I just hope over time it sticks, I’m tired of uncontrollable urges to destroy things and those urges to be destructive being so loud I can’t ignore them. They’re just a little louder than a whisper now and easy to tell stfu to. I don’t foresee that happening but it’s still a worry I have. I can’t be a disappontment to my family again.

But mostly? I am proud of myself for all the work. And I put my all into doing the work 24/7 in to earn trust and my loved ones and I feeling safe.

💜💕🥲👏🏼