I finally recognised my family's patterns

Me and my mom recently went on my first family trip with relatives who I'd known all my life but never truly seen clearly (these relatives are related to my narc dad's side of the fam). Looking back, the patterns were always there - I just didn't have the language to describe them.

These relatives were frequent travelers, always showcasing their experiences, always seeming so put together. During this trip, the relatives who appeared so experienced at traveling showed their true colors through constant "planning" sessions that led nowhere.

Every evening, they'd gather in our room with their two small children, discussing elaborate plans for the next day. But morning would come, and everything would change - suddenly costs were too high, plans needed adjustment, or someone wasn't feeling up to it.

What struck me was how this mirrored their behavior throughout my life - they'd always done this, whether it was family functions, festivals, or simple get-togethers. The pattern was consistent: create chaos while maintaining the appearance of well-meaning intentions.

My mom could have invested this money in something meaningful for our future. When she tried to suggest more structured planning, now seeing things clearly for the first time, she'd face subtle digs about being "too protective" or "not spontaneous enough."

Their interactions with children revealed another layer. They'd use them as social tools, sending them to our room when adults needed space, but criticizing boundaries when we needed privacy. This wasn't new - they'd done this at every family gathering, but I'd always dismissed it as normal family dynamics.

What made this trip different was that for the first time, my mom started recognizing these patterns too and tried to protect me. When she attempted setting simple boundaries like needing rest time or private space, they were angry.

For anyone reading this who feels something "off" about family dynamics but can't quite name it - trust that feeling.