TERRIFIED! HEARTBROKEN! It feels like I will never be able to overcome this absolute hell.

I don’t know what flair to use. I’ve been thinking about getting off of this stuff for months and months. My situation feels so complicated. I’ve been using 7oh for a year now, every day, all day. Before I started taking these monsters disguised as tablets, I was using kratom powder. Dose was insane, taking 13-15 grams of the shit 3-4 times a day. It stopped working suddenly, could no longer get my warm buzz off of it. So I started dabbling with this shit instead. It didn’t even work at first, but I was SO desperate to get that feeling back. I figured it out eventually but I couldn’t feel anything without taking at least 75mg. So I started off at a high dose. I got up to taking grams of powder in a day. I’ve been doing better but it’s mostly because of my finances… I am in debt because of this shit. Thousands of dollars in debt and I’m continuing to dig my hole deeper because now I’m going through a God awful breakup. My partner and I used together. We MET on the 7-hydroxymitragynine subreddit and just so happened to live in the same place. I thought we would help each other, but we just made each other SO MUCH WORSE. I felt like I was supporting his drug habit on top of mine, which was already incredibly unsustainable. He might see this post, oh well, I’m suffering BADLY. All I’ve wanted to do is quit, get sober so we could have a healthy, loving relationship. But I was living in a fantasy! And now I can’t cope in any other manner. My first instinct is to run to the drugs. I can’t stand the grief of losing someone I thought was my best friend. I know this isn’t a breakup subreddit so I’m trying to keep that talk to a minimum, but holy hell is it damn near impossible to make it past 12 hours without having a fucking breakdown. The withdrawal from this shit is terrifying. I have always struggled with anxiety, and the withdrawal makes me feel worse than I’ve ever felt. This shit is so much worse than what you can find on the street, somehow. It almost feels like trying to stop taking your Lexapro at the same time as trying to come off of opiates. It’s torture. I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy. This post is long so I’m gonna shut up. I don’t really expect anyone to even read all of this, I just have to get it out somewhere… I feel SO ALONE and SO SCARED. My partner was the only one I felt really knew what I was going through with this addiction and now I can’t even talk to them. It’s horrible. I want out but I don’t see any way there.