It's working!

Starting on October 15, I entered a period of acute panic. I could not sleep. I was having constant, spiraling panic attacks. I thought I was dying. I went to a bunch of different doctors and to the emergency room before I finally became convinced that it was just my normal anxiety ratcheted up like 100x. I've always tried to manage my anxiety without the use of SSRIs. I tried Zoloft years ago and it didn't really work - just blunted me and caused a bunch of side effects.

Then on October 24, I started prozac at 10mg/day. I was desperate enough to get back on SSRIs even though I was prepared to be unimpressed. And indeed, I did immediately have lots of side effects. Tremors in my legs. Brain fog. Lack of interest in things. Just sort of zombie-like. But the panic attacks were getting less frequent. I thought: I can bear this for a few months if I can just stop having panic attacks. Then I'll go back off of it and go back to normal.

On Wednesday, I took my first 20mg dose and... it was like a light switch went off. I know that's not how everyone experiences it but it's like night and day for me. I have had two great night's sleep in a row. I don't feel panicked for the first time in a month. I am joking around and singing and being carefree (which is how I am when I'm doing well - it's not like it changed my personality, more like it's just letting it come out).

I know progress isn't linear and I may have a tough day tomorrow but... I just couldn't have imagined feeling like this from the depths of despair a few weeks ago. I am optimistic about the future. I don't feel trapped anymore.