Sex before marriage

Hi everyone, I hate that I’m even posting this but it has been something that I’ve been living with.

I found out that my husband had a relationship with someone before we even met/got married and that they had sex… probably a lot of it.

I told him when we met that I want someone that hasn’t been involved with anyone sexually. He dodged it and I found out that he wasn’t a virgin two years into our marriage. He never was honest about it and I found out by randomly searching his phone.

I am very sensitive and jealous. I try not to think about it or constantly stalk his ex but I can’t help it. I wonder if he ever compares our intimacy with the intimacy he had with her. I cant bear to think of him pleasing another woman even if it was in the past. Every time I remember the injury is fresh again and it hurts so much. I remember each time we have intimacy and it ruins it and it takes so much for me to forget and focus on something else.

I know we’re married and we have a child. I don’t know if this sounds silly but please don’t invalidate my feelings. How can I overcome this?? I still haven’t had complete closure because every time I bring it up he gets very mad and he hates it when I bring it up (which I try not to at all. I’ve only brought it up a few times ever since I knew. He took us to a hockey game the next day after I knew and expected me to just forget. It’s something I can never forget and that’s just my nature).

I’ve struggled a lot with my image and wonder if he ever compares her figure to mine or her behavior. Please help ladies out there💔