Today I had the most inappropriate, violating, dismissive, condescending “care” ever by an MFM who has never met me before.

⚠️WARNING⚠️ If you are near Long Island, NY and you ever have a pregnancy in which you need a referral to an MFM for possible high-risk factors, DO NOT EVER go to Cecilia Avila, part of Stony Brook Medicine. Every other doctor in this practice is wonderful. I got the bad egg this time due to bad timing and luck.

Today I received the most inappropriate and VIOLATING “care” I’ve ever received by a doctor (keep in mind this includes the team and surgeons that misdiagnosed my appendicitis and left my appendix in by accident, rendering me infertile and needing IVF in the first place. I wish I had looked up her reviews beforehand. They’re dreadful.

Today I was supposed to see an MFM one more time as a formality to make sure I can continue under the Midwives’ care for the remaining 1-4 weeks of my pregnancy and deliver with them. That’s not what happened.

Would rate negative stars if I could. She came into the room without ever greeting me or introducing herself. Without ever having met me or reviewing my chart, told me she refuses to allow me back into the SBU midwives’ care although I have no high-risk factors at 36 weeks other than my age (45) and this being an IVF pregnancy. (The baby is in perfect health and is growing on schedule. I am in perfect health, BP is fine, no GD.)

She then told me my plan to go to 40 weeks is “basically killing my baby,” although I’d already been cleared by another MFM in the practice to do exactly that with close monitoring. The statistics for placental issues after 39 weeks for IVF/older patients are in 17/1000 births as opposed to 11/1000 births in other pregnancies. That’s still only 1.7% vs 1.1% - yes, it’s 42% higher than younger “natural” pregnancies but LOOK AT THE NUMBERS.

She went on a rant, speaking poorly of “all of these IVF patients lately who don’t want induction or to go before 40 weeks and want care other than MFM.” Her opinion on IVF patients’ desire for the least invasive options that can safely be done was vile and simply… wrong. I’m not a monster for wanting to be under the care of midwives that are still connected to the hospital system, particularly when an OB or MFM on call at the hospital can take over at any time if medically necessary.

The icing on the cake was when she did a RECTAL SWAB INSERTION for Group B Strep with no forewarning of what she was about to do. I understand this can be part of the process, but a decent doctor would tell the patient what she was about to do first. Had I done this at my midwife appointment, the swab would’ve been self-administered and ONLY vaginal. Not even a hello, and she was shoving a Q-tip up my ass.

I’ve never been treated like this by any medical “professional “ in 45 years of life. She was dismissive, haughty, condescending, rude, and violating. She does not belong seeing patients. She should be a desk doctor only, reviewing paperwork or in a lab somewhere. Her knowledge of IVF pregnancies is outdated and she’s not up on the current peer-reviewed science. She bases opinions on old information and is not interested in hearing new statistics. Checking her reviews, she has told patients to TMFR without doing any actual diagnostic testing!

An MFM sees patients who are high-risk and already frightened and anxious about their pregnancies and their babies’ health. To treat these patients with anything other than kind, gentle, compassionate care is negligent at best, and dangerous and detrimental to both mental and physical health.

I’m not a “Karen.” I have never reported a doctor in all of the years I’ve been alive. I’ve seen MANY doctors. This is the first time I have ever been treated like this. I am filing a formal complaint with Patient Advocacy as well as the home office. I plan to contact the Board as well. It seems I’m not the first patient who has had this experience - but I want to make sure I am the last. No one should ever be told they’re “killing their baby” or have an invasive test without warning.

I honestly have no idea who will be handling my pregnancy here on out, and it’s so jarring. I was almost at the finish line.

Thanks for letting me rant.