Desperately needing advice, husband told me he wants to try poly relationship after already having a girlfriend.

New to reddit and just created this to get some advice. I hope I am in the right community. Ok, so my husband (43M) and I (43F) have been married for 23 years.

We have never dated or even kissed anyone else. Our story is long with ups and downs. I will try and make this short. But feel free to ask any Q as there’s a lot of back story. Ok, so as we have gotten older we have become more open minded. For me in particular just learning and breaking free of what society and relige@n have boxed as acceptable relationships.

My husband has always felt like something was missing in his heart and mind, our whole marriage. There have been about 5 times in our relationship where he has met someone that helps a little bit of this hole. But as we were both clearly monogamous, I was very upset to the point of not being able to function, and we would take a break.

And in the end we would always come back together. Nothing physical was ever done, but the emotional che@ting was heartbreaking for me. I now have more of an open mind however. He said after doing some research and soul searching that he feels like he needs more than one woman to be in a relationship with.

But not in general, specifically a woman from 5 years ago who he had one of the connections with. She had cut it off because she wanted a physical relationship with him but he couldn’t cross that line and because she was so upset her husband found out and they cut ties.

But now he wants to date her, and stay married to me, he said eventually he wants us both to be in equal types of relationship with him. And ok, I can think about this and see if its something I would be comfortable with. The problem, is things started back up with them seriously about 4 months ago, about a month ago they started making out and kissing, and he just told me about this TODAY.

He wasn’t even going to mention the kissing I had to ask him specifically. He said that he plans on having a full relationship with her, s&x and all.

His want is to be with me like we have been and have her as a girlfriend too. I am not sure how I feel about that, Poly is already something I had been pondering for myself so I am wondering if maybe I had someone else as well, we could keep what we have and both be happier for it.

So I am thinking on it. But it’s really hard for me not to feel hurt over him already having someone, dating someone, and them making out cuddling and kissing. All doing that without talking to me first. I am so furious, and also sad.

To make matters worse, a year ago I fell really ill and have been on disability ever since. So I am having a really hard time trying to figure out what I want while trying to disgregard if we aren’t together anymore, how would I live and sUrvive.

He told me that he 100% will not stop seeing her and moving forward, but that he does want things to stay the same with us and I can decide if that is what I want and to let him know. Am I putting too much importance on The kiss and overreacting on what he’s done already? I also asked him would this be where we are all together, like knowing each other and around each other.

But he said he doesn’t see that working, that he wants his relationship with her totally separate and us not having anything to do with each other, knowing each of us he doesn’t think it would work well. I need advice please.

I dont really have anyone to talk to. And I know poly needs a lot of honesty and openness, but I can’t help but feel like he’s already broken that. IDK. Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks!