Are we done?

Vent, but I'll gladly accept advice.

Been together with this guy for little over a year. He is doing non-hierarchical SoPo, me - I'm gravitating more towards ENM with one primary relationship and some casual ones. Not opposed to poly in any way, it's just that I find myself quite saturated at one and don't really have the mental bandwidth for another serious relationship.

To the issue at hand. Despite lots of love and care, we're not extremely compatible when it comes to our needs. He gravitates towards hyper-idependence that sometimes borders on avoidance: doesn't need communication between dates, would be happy with only seeing me once a week or less, never needs help or advice and sometimes, to be honest, I wonder what is the point of me in his world at all. I, on the other hand, need frequent communication and dates to be able to build a connection. I want a main partner who is a steady part of my life and who is my family, even if cohabitation, children or marriage is not something I'm interested in.

During the course of the relationship we've had to do some adjustments - at the beginning he was fine with the frequent contact and at least two dates a week but after a while found it was too much. I've told him time and time again that I don't mind cancelling a date if he needs time to himself, or if he goes offline for a prolonged period of time, all I need is clear communication. But it's not working. He seems to be chasing whatever is giving him the biggest kick at any given moment, will overbook his calendar, realise too late that he doesn't have enough time left for himself, and ask to cancel our date because "he spends more time with me than with anybody else". For me, this is just shitty time management, and a recurring problem. I am not getting the amount of time from him that I'd like to start with, and when he can't manage his calendar and I get the short end of the stick it makes me feel like a non-priority.

We've had a big conversation several weeks ago and I agreed to try out a set-up that he felt would suit him more - one date during the week and another every other weekend. I told him I'd give it a couple of months but in case I feel like this isnt working or if there are problems - like him overbooking again- I'd like to try couples therapy. He agreed and I left the country for three weeks to visit family abroad. The first part of the trip was fine - we had one phone date and I found that I appreciated the time apart. But in the second part, I started to sense him pulling away - he wouldn't answer my efforts for connection, and would generally communicate less and less. Finally I wrote to him yesterday and told him that I can see that something is wrong. He said he's been thinking a lot and isnt feeling great. I asked him to share his thoughts and proposed a phone call, which he declined and said he'd rather talk face to face when we see each other again on Monday. It all felt very cold and lacked any sign of affection or care. I didn't want to push and left it there. I came home today, after a journey of over 24h (approximately half of which I spent bawling my eyes out) and it's all silence on his end. Didn't even ask if I made it home all right, which again feels extremely cold and like he is trying to put even more distance between us.

I'm now getting ready to be broken up work on Monday. My feelings are all over the place and I hate that he is leaving me hanging for several days like that. I'm not sure what has changed and what he is thinking about and I'm spiralling pretty hard. So, kind people, some advice and support, please?

UPDATE: We are done. He informed me that after I’d left for my trip he almost felt a sense of relief and realised he isn’t in love with me anymore. So, it’s over, and in a non-fixable way.