i really hate myself. mentally harming myself all the time.

I continue to harm myself (mentally) by getting validation from people online. Like I'll search for someone na maka-VJ, and if face check na some may pass. I know I'm not gonna be everybody's type, but it hurts when you get rejected. I'm addicted to validation and if someone rejects me or blocks me, I'll get this idea na I'm not really attractive and I'm fucking hideous.

Tired of looking in the mirror and taking lots of pictures. I may feel attractive, but when I see a reflection of mine or a bad photo, my day is ruined. I continue to compare myself everytime, even though na it will hurt.

I do not mean to brag but a lot of people told me na I'm gwapo or attractive naman. I see it sometimes, but I don't believe it most of the time. Pls do not see this as a brag.

I frequently install Bumble and Grindr too, just to see if other people find me attractive. I'm just so tired of my mind. I hate that I'm so focused on my appearance. I should accept that I will not be liked by everybody and everybody has different preferences. I know that I should love myself, it's so freaking tough, but I'll get there someday.