Cuddle after physical fight

That’s all I want right now. My boyfriend and I got into a physical fight. I’m in the wrong I know. I shouldn’t have slammed the door in his face, he pushed me for it, I should’ve just taken it and moved on, knowing what I did was bad.I pushed back . He pushed l I pushed once more. He grabbed my throat to stop me I slapped him. He grabbed my hair and pushed me down to distance us. Got kicked out for a little bit. Came back after he asked. I apologized. He said he was sick of this. An hour later, he’s talking to me normally and I’m watching my show. He seems alright which I’m glad. I would’ve never hit him if I didn’t feel scared but it’s not an excuse I know that. I started it. I got into an accident earlier today and I got a concussion, doesn’t really matter anymore because I was so mean, and I know that. I just want him to hold me and get me some ice . I feel so wrong for wanting that. I feel so selfish, abusive and gross. But I just want to be rocked and kissed in the forehead while my hair is caressed. I know I’m wrong for wanting that. I feel so childish for wanting that after I hit him. What is wrong with me ( no I don’t want breakup advice I just want to be held and didn’t have an outlet to get this disgusting feeling out of my body)