I slept with another man in front of my boyfriend (it was his idea)

I never thought it would turn out this way. Everything was his idea. It all started 9 months ago when he confessed about this fetish of his which I found weird at that time. He told me how he wanted to just watch and showed me porn references. Now, my boyfriend and I are childhood sweethearts, we went to school together and started dating when I was 16. He was a bullied kid but he always was very kind to me. He is honestly the most perfect boyfriend ever except he’s actually bad in bed. He’s 5’4” and I’m 5’6” and he kinda gets intimidated in the bedroom. He has 5 inches down there and has no idea how to work it. In our 6 years of sexlife, we have only done missionary and cowgirl occasionally. He once said he watched too much porn. So I read about it on the internet and understood how these thoughts grew into him. So when he brought it up, I was shook, I couldn’t believe what he just suggested as he always pretends to act alpha around others. I instantly declined his suggestion but I was open to understand where he was coming from. He said it turns him on when men hit on me and the fact that my IG DMs are always filled. I couldn’t believe that my boyfriend wants to see me sleep with another man. I told him that we could just roleplay about it and he agreed. In the past few months, we’ve seen so many naked well-endowed men on the internet while having sex, that the idea grew on me and I really wanted another man because I felt i deserved much better in the bedroom. We agreed and even made this reddit account to connect in those groups. Two weeks ago, we invited a Redditor(let’s call him John) over; he was 6’3” tall, black and very well-endowed. I was intimidated but turned on and honestly I probably enjoyed it way too much that it set my boyfriend off. John literally lifted me and threw me around in different positions before finishing on my face. I’ve never encountered such dominance before. Now my boyfriend regrets it and but I would honestly do it again if I get the opportunity. But my boyfriend is my childhood love, I can’t give up on him. I told him that we can forget about it and move on but he keeps bringing it up. He says I looked too happy with him and that I should do it again(sarcastically). I really don’t know how to deal with all this. What should I do?