Compulsive obsession with others opinions is ruining my life.

So, I’ve always had a compulsive obsession with others opinions. For example, if some music critic on the internet disliked a band that I’d like, it would literally take me weeks, sometimes months, to muster up the courage to just listen to them on my own again. It’s not some simple social need for acceptance. It is a deep, compulsive obsession. I haven’t been happy since I was a small child. Because I’m always doing something wrong. I always feel like I’m stupid or wrong over little things. I am TERRIFIED of rejection. If I am rejected, then I don’t matter. All my emotions and memories, mean nothing because a few people don’t like me. I am constantly saying sorry over tiny things, I over analyze how people talk to me. I really hope I am describing it well enough.

And that’s just little things. Some people might thinks I have bad taste because I like a certain band or because I like superheroes. That hurts. But nothing compared to some other topics. I can’t elaborate on that in this particular subreddit, but go through my post history over the past three or so hours to know everything. If you care.

What I am trying to say is that this obsession, has ruined my perception of myself. I don’t love myself. Just a few minutes ago, I laid down on my bed and noticed how soft my sheets were. But I instinctively thought that I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve these little pleasures like soft sheets. I’m a worthless, terrible being that should not even be existing.