I'm so tired of being alive.

I'm so tired of feeling emotions. Love, hatred, sadness, joy, disgust, desire. I'm so tired of laughing and smiling and talking and acting normal. I'm so tired of making jokes. I'm so tired of walking around and hating myself. I'm so tired of forcing myself to act normal when I'm so helplessly scared of people not liking me. I'm tired of people. I'm tired of people smiling and peoppe laughing and people hating and people chatting and people getting away with every transgression against a person or group of people they believe are lesser than because it was just a joke or just the truth. I'm tired of doing my work and getting good grades and dressing nice and talking even if I don't really care what the other person is saying. I pretend like I care so I don't make them feel bad. I'm so tired of being empathetic. I'm so tired of existing, seeing everything I could ever want being so desperately out of my grasp. If God exists, he wants to see me suffer.