What’s wrong with me???

I’m a new member and I’ve had a look around this place, and considering what I’ve seen my problems aren’t as bad but they still eat me up. So here^{^}

basically I daydream. Like, a lot. I’ve never told this to anyone because it’s rather embarrassing, and I won’t go into specific details but let’s just say that there’s this fictional character that I really like. You know how people self-insert themselves into every scenario they come across?? Well, I do that with this particular character

Well actually, I’m not sure whether or not I genuinely thoroughly enjoy that fictional character, it’s like I’m more or less in love with the idea of her. Like, I notice that every time I come across something I like, a scenario that’s enjoyable, something I want to do or find cool, I find myself inserting her into that situation and imagining how it plays out.

I thought it was just another hyperfixation. That I’d forget about it soon enough. But it eventually got in the way of things. Everytime I do anything, Iike for example study, I’d immediately imagine that character doing it as well. I’d imagine her getting studying, getting good grades, topping school, and it would morph into another scenario I find more interesting with her, and another, and another, and the cycle continues.

Everytime I watch a show or a movie, from a really impacting scene to even just random dialogue, I imagine that character doing it. I imagine her acting out, speaking, and carrying the scene. It ruins the moment for me. Like all of the emotion of that particular scene has been drained because of me and my stupid hyperfixation.

And speaking of drained, I’ve noticed that ever since I started really liking the character, I haven’t been feeling as happy as of late. Yk, it’s like nothing is as exciting. I do still feel things, but it’s not like a surge of emotions, but merely an aftertaste. It’s like my dopamine levels have been down, and I think I’m finally ready to accept that it’s not just my imagination. I feel more bland. More dull. More dry. Everytime I feel happy, it’s only a quarter of what I used to feel. Maybe it’s just part of growing up, but I don’t want to feel this way forever.

It’s been over a year now. And I’ve only noticed in recent months that maaaybe my behaviour was not Normal or healthy. In any case, I don’t know what to do. How to feel. I have many other issues that I’m unhappy with mentally, but I’m just going to end with this today.

I feel so ashamed. I mean, imagine inserting a fictional character in everything 24/7, I just wanna be able to see things as they are again. I just wanna feel the same level of happiness as I did as a kid. Even now rereading all of this, it just sounds so stupid.

I don’t even know what’s the point of posting this here, I thought it would just be a vent but I also want advice. Advice on how to maybe change. I’ve always felt like I was abnormal since I was a little kid, and now more than ever. I don’t know what to do. I can’t discuss this with my parents because I don’t really feel that comfortable with them and we don’t have that relationship. I can’t tell discuss this with my friends because I just know I’ll be annoying to them.

I still feel weird sending this, I’m not used been so open. Even if it sounds silly, and even if it is embarrassing, I do still want advice on what to do. Ty if you read all of this <33