27f and a failure

For my whole life I wanted to go to med school. I worked my ass off to go to a top college. Once I got into college, I choked. My mental health was in the pits, I had two breakdowns. I ended up not doing premed and took English classes instead.

Now I’m 27 working at a startup in VHCOL making 75k while my peers are in med school and are on track to make significantly more. Everyday I wake up feeling like a failure for letting fear stop me from following my dreams. I came from a poor family so I don’t know if I can afford to basically redo undergrad. I have a 3.3 gpa. I’m not too close with my professors so I can’t get a LOR for a post bacc and I can’t ask my previous boss because she was soooo upset when I decided to quit my last job.

I feel like I ruined my life, and like I’m destined to have a mediocre existence at best. I probably won’t be able to afford to retire. My whole family lives paycheck to paycheck. I was the only one who had the opportunity to go to college and I fucked up. Sometimes I feel like offing myself because of the weight of my mistakes. My boyfriend’s mom thinks I’m a loser for not being a doctor and for choosing English as a major. I hate my current job but my prospects are low and options are limited given my major.

Does anyone have any advice? Should I just stick with this job that makes me miserable, or should I try to give it another shot?

One of the reasons I want to work in medicine is to serve underserved communities like my own and have work that feels meaningful and impactful.