Ups and downs

I see my LO once a week and I get so excited, we’re not even really friends just loose acquaintances. We talk and I dissect every look and word. Depending on how it goes I either have a good week or bad week, it sucks. I hate it. I hate being super aware of them the entire time we’re in the same room. I hate that I ease drop in their conversations and stalk their socials. I feel totally out of control and not anything like myself. I do desperately want them to like me back but I know they don’t.

Everything I learn about them makes me like them more, they’re generally really nice and kind and I feel horrible about obsessing over them. I feel so pathetic, I added them on instagram and even tried to message them and they didn’t add me back or message me back, of course.

Sorry I just needed to vent, I feel like anytime I try to talk about it to friends or family I seem so crazy. I’m diagnosed with OCD and I have a therapist who specializes in it so I’m hoping she’ll be able to help me, but I feel like such a creep.