TRIGGER WARNING: Contains content about self-harm or suicide, NEED ADVICE FROM MY DADA/DIDIS, 18M HERE

Man i hate my parents so much, ive got allergic symptoms since many days, upon waking up my eyes swell up, and i start sneezing like a maniac and it has been like this since 2 months, I told my parents to take me to a doctor and they were like "nijer chul katiye ne age" istg koto boro retards ache amar parents, i didnt even wanna fucking prep for jee and they forced me in this shit, when i got 98%ile, which is pretty decent, their reaction was "thikache bhalo kotha" and they kinda behaved okayish with me for a day and then resorted to their usual behavior from the next day, throughout my whole childhood all they did was abuse me and give me trauma, can you fucking imagine a 4th grader slicing his forearms with blades? yeah that was me, I was getting bullied in 6th grade by a bunch of seniors and when I told my parents to go to school and complain about the bullies, they said "deal with it yourself, dont bother us", for 6 months i had to face humiliation, getting slapped, abuses etc, the amount of trauma my parents have given me is so so so fucking much

they are such fucking people pleasers ong, i remember when my cousin sister once kicked me and spit on me, a few years back, she is two years elder and when i fought back, my parents said "amader maan shomman dubiye dili tui, tor moto chele i keno amar kache holo", my childhood has been so traumatic as ive been bullied so bad, my cousins and my mama used to gang up on me and bully me, i wont go into the details but it made me so depressed and i started hating myself and they got the audacity to do all this because my parents just dont give a fuck about me

after turning 16, i started hitting the gym, i got in shape, lost like 20 kilos, started skincare, dieting properly, i started loving myself, i decide to cutoff my relatives and my cousins, and now my parents start blaming me as to how im becoming too "egoistic" and how im gonna "end up all alone and miserable at the age of 40", but the thing they dont get is, ive been shit on my entire life and the thought of ending up alone sounds like a privilege to me, infact this drop year ive even cutoff those friends who were actually good to me and i feel even better now, ive got a narcissistic cousin sister (the one who kicked me), and when i lost all the weight and got into shape after she used to bully me for it, she was like "kono labh nei eshob kore, tor moto chele ke kono meye patta debe na, tor thobra ta dekh tui jotoi gym kor jibone thik hobena", and i was 16 at that time, and i started getting fit for myself and not for any external validation, but words like these actually hurt me at that time so much, am i this bad? am i actually unlovable?

i just wanna get an iit rn so that i can escape from this toxic shithole and even if i dont ill grab some other nit and just fuck off from here and never return again, so that i can actually love myself for once

that was my rant, if yall got any advice for me, id appreciate it