AJR x JPEGMAFIA 'a year of growth, healing, and masculinity'

https://reddit.com/link/1ibs9y3/video/mq1dlui1knfe1/player

This remix I created, blending my two favorite artists—JPEGMAFIA and AJR—goes beyond just a mashup of sounds for me. It’s a reflection of everything I’ve been through in the past year, and a way to channel my pain, my confusion, and my hope into something that might connect with others who’ve felt the same. It’s raw. It’s real. And it’s messy, because that’s what life has been for me.

In 2024, I went through something I wouldn’t wish on anyone: an unconsensual sexual encounter with a close male relative. I won’t sugarcoat it—it broke me. I felt weak, out of control, like a little girl, and it stole something from me—my sense of masculinity, something I’ve spent years trying to define and build. I’ve been watching online guides, trying to understand what it means to be a man, and in a split second, all of that felt like it didn’t matter anymore. That feeling of being robbed of something fundamental was the spark behind the emotions I poured into this remix. It’s an angry song, a sad song, but it’s also a song about trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild.

And then, it all got worse. My therapist recently told me they couldn’t continue seeing me, citing behaviors like flirting and anger issues that I was showing in therapy. It hit hard because this was the third therapist I had that year, and each time I tried to trust someone, it ended in rejection. That feeling of being unlovable, of being too much, of not being worthy of help—it crushed me. I was left wondering what was wrong with me. That pain and frustration is embedded in this remix, woven into the chaotic, glitchy sounds and the rawness that you’ll hear.

But here’s where things start to shift. Through JPEGMAFIA’s music, I found a connection I didn’t know I needed. His tracks are messy, full of rage and confusion, and they speak to the part of me that’s also been struggling with mental restraints, with feeling like an outsider. I feel like JPEGMAFIA gets it—like he’s out here navigating his own pain, and we’re kind of on the same wavelength. I started calling him my "spectrum pen pal" because I feel like he’s speaking my language, even if we’ve never met. I guess it’s like finding someone you can relate to, even if it’s just through their music. That’s a big part of what this remix is for me—using his influence to express what I’ve been holding in.

As 2025 rolls in, I know things can change. We all have the ability to grow, to heal, and to move forward—even when the past feels like it’s pulling us back. I made this song for people like me: people who feel downtrodden, unloved, rejected, or just broken. But it’s also for the people who are trying—even if it doesn’t always feel like it’s enough. We’re all in this together, and that’s what I want to convey. I’ve connected with the r/jpegmafiamusic community, and I know there are others out there who are just like me—who are trying to figure it all out, even when it feels impossible. I’m not alone, and neither are you.

If this song hits home for anyone, I want to hear from you. I’m thinking of starting a WhatsApp group for people who are going through similar stuff. A place where we can all share, listen, and maybe just remind each other that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. If we’re all struggling, we can at least struggle together.

And to anyone out there who’s feeling like they’ve had enough, I want to say this: Don’t kill yourself in 2025. I know things are tough, but we can get through it. Let’s get it on, hood gang. We’re going to rise from this, even if it’s one day at a time. Peace, love, and never give up.