I don't actually want any job 😅

I know I'm going to come off as a crybaby perhaps, but I've reached a point where I think I don't really want to do anything. All my options are difficult and will require effort and sacrifices, and will probably make me tired and stressed.

I wasn't always like this, I had dreams and goals. I'm not a lazy person, I graduated from medical school, I will soon graduate from my masters and I've been involved in research as a volunteer.

I started my specialty training with a lot of enthusiasm, but the system is so shit that my health suffered for it and I quit. Over the past year the rose colored glasses have completely come off and I realized that it's more important to have a healthy life than to follow your passion (if you can do both, lucky you).

I still like medicine, but not enough to put up with a toxic system. I like other stuff too, but just marginally. There's nothing I really love, and I just don't feel a strong drive to do anything in particular.

Ofcourse I know I need to get a job whether that's in medicine or not, and I'd prefer it to be a good job because I want a nice life. But as far as the job itself, I can't say I'm very motivated.

Now I'm at a crossroad where I need to decide what I want to do, I may need to study more, pass exams, or apply/interview and very possibly move to a different country. It all sounds like too much honestly. I'm tired. I wish someone would say, this is your job, go do it, the end.

But if I really think about it, I'd rather not have a job at all. Just travel, have fun with friends, eat good food or just do whatever whenever.

I don't know, this is a weird shift for me and I don't know if my recent hospital experience burned me out or made me more pessimistic. It was a very short time and it's been months since then but I feel like a different person.