I’m driving my boyfriend away

I hate having people at my house, even my boyfriend of 23 years. He’s about had enough. He says when he’s there I give off this vibe that I can’t wait for him to leave. When I’m at my house I really don’t want to leave unless I have to. I don’t mind going to his house as much, but given the choice I’d rather stay home. I know part of it is when we first got together, we would fight badly every time he came to my house & I felt like he was bossing me about how to raise my kids. He has completely changed from that person or else I wouldn’t still be with him. But the damage seems to be done. My oldest son recently passed away & it makes me want to stay home even more. He’s been there for me every step of the way dealing with this loss but we just had a giant blowup because I cancelled on him tonight. He says he wants someone who wants to be together & do stuff & I don’t blame him. I don’t know how to change this around. When he’s here all he does is help. I don’t know why I’m like this. Any ideas on how I change it?