I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

The story of my life after October

Got my first job, it's nice till now, everything is okay, Got my project, it's nice team is nice, helpful, corporative... Office life i okay, my whole team is not from my office location they are from different states, still not worries...

The life after my OFFICE HOURS "NO LIFE" I don't have a life after I get out of my office, I started smoking hooka, cigarettes, just to overcome my loneliness, I cry almost everyday, sometimes in office too, When i go to office breakout area, and see other people of my age not exactly my age i am 21 they are older than me, having friends, laughing, enjoying, sharing their thoughts, making memories, got out for lunch, making plans for weekend, i don't know why i get emotionaland just start dropping tears, I don't know whatbthe hell is wrong with me, I don't feel any happiness or excitement or any joy anymore, I talk at my home like once or twice a week, cause everytime j call my mum is just get emotionally unstable and when I hear her voice or anyone's else voice i just started dropping tears again, And when they ask(family) is everything okay, I just say i am okay & I have some work and just greet them Tata ( i don't say"bye, goodbye" as i feel like these words are ment to be said to people who you aren't gonna see ever agin in your life) and disconnect the call,

I can't take it anymore honestly, I get suicidal thoughts everytime, I hurt myself most of the time, I skip eating food as I forgot to eat, sometimes I can barely feel myself alive, I spend nights sleepless, take night pills, I don't know what i am doing this to myself...

I don't want this life anymore, I know i will end my life soon very soon if this keeps on going, I know suicidal people don't talk out about these such things, but all I wanna say is if someone feels like this and you see them or if you feel like a person is going through something like being emotionless or sad all the time, please don't leave them, maybe they want to tell you or all they want is a friend, please take the first step by yourself and go talk or initiate a conversation with them,

I just hope no one goes through loneliness or depression, I am sorry but I can't do it anymore... I am sorry... Have a nice weekend everyone...

Goodbye...