Life was so different deep in my ed

Sometimes I look at my post/comment history on my account and marvel at how many more distressed posts I made about my struggles with food and my body than I realized at the time. Holy moly. They say food is all you think about in your ed, but it's more than that; all I thought about was my paralyzing fear of "disobeying" the ed. I didn't believe anything was really wrong with me, but I felt so shitty so often that I had to tell reddit about it as often as I did. I'm in a much better headspace now than the disease let me think was possible. If you are struggling in recovery this is your sign from me to you to stick with it Nobody ever deserves to be affected by all that fear