No dysphoria? Depersonalisation?

My bad for the funky title and the very "am I trans?"-esque post that's about to ensue but I'm stuck and I don't know where to ask.

Tldr: I was very trans presenting for 2,3 years, kind of always have been in a grey area, but presented feminine for a while now. No dysphoria, but a lot of depersonalisation. What is going on lol

I (15 f??) have been doubting whether I'm trans for the past couple months. When I was around 12-13, I was pretty certain I was trans. I changed my name amongst my friends, went by they/he, wore a binder (really a back support corset that stopped me from breathing but worked) and chopped my hair really short. The signs were there from when I was a kid - I chose dark boyish clothes (a black LeBron hoodie was my favourite for a while), was quite rough/competitive/just not feminine, and I posed in photos w backwards caps/trying to look cool. I got called a tomboy even with hair that went down to my waist.

Since 13, I haven't cut my hair in 2 years (it's down to my waist), I don't really care about pronouns anymore, and I barely feel dysphoria (used to be really bad). I grew it out mainly because I was being teased and ostracised. I feel like being trans was just a phase. But in my dreams, I'm always a guy. Whenever I do makeup/look into a mirror, I feel a sense of depersonalisation. When I feel "pretty"/I like my body, it's mainly because I think it appeals to guys. I subconsciously refer to myself as a guy/man. Whenever my parents tell me to shop in the girls section (I never even notice) I feel disgusting. I generally feel like such a fraud, because I wear skirts and do makeup - I don't try to be trans at all. I know clothes don't define gender, but the majority of trans guys aren't like this.

Maybe I'm subconsciously making myself more fem because I'm scared of being trans. My dad would undoubtedly shun me from the family (thanks politics) and I think it would be the last straw for him. I have too much to lose (university, reputation, family), and I'm so scared.

I'm so sorry if this isn't the right place/this is annoying. If there's another sub, please let me know. I'm just not sure what to do