I feel humiliated…

I ordered my first binder recently. I was so excited for it to arrive. My partner had helped me to measure for it as per the guide from the seller i was buying from. My partner was there when it arrived and was so excited for me. We followed a guide as to how it should be put on from the manufacturer. But when I tried to put it on I got my head through and had my arms through the armholes pointing up in the air. We tried to pull it down but I remained stuck. And after laughing about it for a couple seconds I realised I was genuinely stuck and felt a searing pain in my shoulder. I realised i had to get it off.

My partner managed to pull it over my head but only after I had strained my muscles so bad that I couldn’t even speak to him to tell him how much pain I was in. I think it was the intensity of the pain that made me just break down right then and the reality that I wouldn’t be able to wear the binder sunk in. I just felt so crushed by it all. The high and excitement of finally getting to feel more comfortable in my body just ending in the most dysphoria I’ve experience in a long time. It made me regret when buying it and even like it was all pointless and I should just go back to being numb about my body and my identity.

I’ve tried it again a few days later but after putting one arm through I was genuinely too scared of getting stuck and injuring myself so i chickened out. I feel so humiliated. Chances are the binder size is too small so I’ll have to return it but I’m now terrified of sizing up and still finding the same problem and never being able to wear a binder. My self esteem is already shot as is and this whole things has totally destroyed it. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone been through something like this? And if so how did you work around it?

I’d rather not have to use trans tape but I may have no choice.