I had a dysfunctional upbringing and I want to use it to motivate me and not bring me down.

My dysfunctional upbringing has caused me a lot of hardship. And I’m seeking advice to move forward and help myself become a better person.

I grew up with separated parents. My Father is a verbally-abusive, quick-tempered, self-absorbed, unemployed yet financially dependent, insecure, closeted gay man. Yet, in his own unique way, shows his love and care for us and always cares to tell us that he’s doing “the best he can” and that “he words hard” for us.

My Mother was not a wise person, but she worked hard in her job as a call center trainer. And although she was not the most financially savvy person either (she would always borrow money from her friends and not pay her back; always thinking about what was best for us”), she loved us, and we felt it. She was depressed for most of her life, and she would always attribute her downfall to my Father, who always had his own side of the story when it came to how they were separated. She died at the young age of 47 because of COPD, but she always knew she wasn’t gonna live long. She would tell us that she wouldn’t live till 50. Her wish came true.

Anyways, my Father is a very difficult person. We grew up knowing his partner, spending time with him eating lunch, dinner, and stuff like that. We even went to Japan with him. His partner, being closeted too, has his own family. My father does not have a relationship with his partner’s family, yet my father’s partner has been existent in our lives since we were kids. The is the first thing I acknowledge in my dysfunctional upbringing, him being closeted, he always tries to give us advice and stuff, but when we look at him and how he lives his life, it’s not necessarily the most honest, and we don’t listen nor respect him because of his lack of credibility in living his own life.

My father and his partner travel to Europe maybe three or four times a year. He accompanies his partner as he does business in Europe (his partner is a very prominent Cardiologist that does medical related work in Europe). What’s worse is, since being young, I would always attribute him going to Europe as our family being financially stable, when in truth, I don’t really think that’s the case. He would post photos and videos of him in Europe (alone) enjoying his time and self, despite not working. Yet, he doesn’t care to admit that he’s financially (I would care to say even emotionally) dependent on his partner, and when he professes his anger (he shouts really loud when he’s mad), we get scared of him because that’s how he raised us to be.

Anyways, my siblings and I acknowledge this situation, and we’ve concluded that his partner, like how my Mom concluded, is not good for him. But we can’t do anything to change this fact, we can only help ourselves.

I’m already 24, and this situation in our family has traumatized me to a large extent already. I confuse his role as a Father to my growth as a man. I’ve learned to realize that I’ve been dependent for so long because I never really had a male role model I can look up to who was independent.

My Father is the type to keep on correcting us when we make mistakes. But it’s just hard to listen to him and take his word with respect when we can’t accept who he truly is. I know it just be hard for him being closeted in all. And although I’m not confused with my sexuality, I know that I am not as masculine as I should be, being independent, looking out for myself, stuff like that.

I realized this in my first two jobs in the corporate world. I tend to just leave when I’m having a hard time, because honestly, seeing how my Dad lives his life really fucked me up mentally.

I don’t really do Reddit forums like this. But I really miss my Mom, and I’ve been through a lot of fucked up shit. I’m seeking advice here considering that I came from a very low point in my life, on how I can accept this situation with my Father and his partner in a way that I can grow in the best way possible and not use it to depress myself into my miserable situation.